Making Amends
It takes me a long time to let go. I know you all know this, but I guess stating the obvious is my new favorite hobby. So yesterday, while I was sincerely down, I finally e-mailed off an amend to my ex-husband.
When I left, I blamed him for everything. I know everything wasn't his fault, but I made it his fault. And so, I needed to take responsibility for my part in the whole mess and let him know how I felt about him. It wasn't a desperate attempt to get back together. I just finally realized that until I released the relationship, I couldn't truly ever be there for someone else. So, I let go.
And he wrote back. He said he was sorry, explained some things to me I hadn't known before, and took responsibility for his part. Not because he had to, but because he wanted to. And he is fine. Somehow, God has taken the mess the two of us made and turned it for His glory in our lives.
I don't advocate divorce. I don't advocate getting married to someone you don't know either. What I am advocating here is admitting fault to be healed. Something inside of me is better now. I know I am forgiven, I know I am not held liable for my wrongs to another person, and I know that God has made all things beautiful in His time. I am free. And that knowledge is healing to me in ways I cannot begin to describe in mere words.
So, I am learning to live life to the full, and I am loving it. It's difficult, challenging, full of crazy ups and downs, emotions I didn't expect. But I love every part of it. I am learning to embrace each moment, take the good with the bad, and love despite peoples' short comings. And did I mention that it's challenging? But that's ok because I know whom I have believed. He is not quiting on me ever. And so I can carry on no matter what.
"God, grant me the grace to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."
May you know the difference you life makes and how to make the wrong things right in your own world. Much love...
When I left, I blamed him for everything. I know everything wasn't his fault, but I made it his fault. And so, I needed to take responsibility for my part in the whole mess and let him know how I felt about him. It wasn't a desperate attempt to get back together. I just finally realized that until I released the relationship, I couldn't truly ever be there for someone else. So, I let go.
And he wrote back. He said he was sorry, explained some things to me I hadn't known before, and took responsibility for his part. Not because he had to, but because he wanted to. And he is fine. Somehow, God has taken the mess the two of us made and turned it for His glory in our lives.
I don't advocate divorce. I don't advocate getting married to someone you don't know either. What I am advocating here is admitting fault to be healed. Something inside of me is better now. I know I am forgiven, I know I am not held liable for my wrongs to another person, and I know that God has made all things beautiful in His time. I am free. And that knowledge is healing to me in ways I cannot begin to describe in mere words.
So, I am learning to live life to the full, and I am loving it. It's difficult, challenging, full of crazy ups and downs, emotions I didn't expect. But I love every part of it. I am learning to embrace each moment, take the good with the bad, and love despite peoples' short comings. And did I mention that it's challenging? But that's ok because I know whom I have believed. He is not quiting on me ever. And so I can carry on no matter what.
"God, grant me the grace to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."
May you know the difference you life makes and how to make the wrong things right in your own world. Much love...
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