Waiting for Immanuel

It's my favorite name for God: Immanuel.

My heart took off like a Kentucky race horse tonight. But I hear this song in the night saying, "I am near; all is well. Just stay with me." This love asks me to abide when the ghosts come back to haunt me. He asks me to stay with Him because He is the God who stays with me.

When I go to work, Thor stays home and guards my apartment. I still worry every time I leave that he won't be there when I get back despite the fact all fear of the loss of my pets is past. He stays close to me, always coming back. He sleeps by my head and grooms me. He gets between me and my distractions as if to say, "Be here with me."

And then there are the hands that hold me, the smiles that warm me, the voices that call me back to themselves again. Sometimes there are no words. Sometimes it's just fire or cold or longing.

Longing. What am I longing for? These mysteries eat me up inside, and yet when I hear His voice so clearly, I scarcely believe it is true. I sit with Mary, amazed asking God how this can be because He knows me. He knows all of me, and somehow, I can't convince Him to leave. He is ravishing my heart, and there's nothing left to say but, "Have Your way."

A funny thing happens when I learn to love Him. He gives Himself back. The words I have don't do it justice, and maybe that's part of the mystery. He transcends language and all I can communicate. Nothing is left but the music, the song He sings in the night over me.

Because when He speaks He cannot take it back. He loves us. And that's the greatest mystery of all. I don't have to understand His love. I don't think He can help Himself. He's just head over heels in love. And I cannot, despite my best efforts, convince Him otherwise.

So He came to be with us. He came to be with me. He came to be revealed in us. I wait to watch Him dance, to know His embrace, to be with Him. I want to learn to be present with Him the way He is with me.