Limbo

I keep things.

I have every card and letter sent my way from the past few years. My shoes fall apart before I replace them. My American Girl Doll and all of the things I ever got for her sit quietly in my closet. I love my small collections. Just having them brings me a sense of security.

But I have never been too good at community. It's harder for me to keep people, even more challenging is being ok with the fact that relationship means my flaws are going to hurt others.

Still, I want to build a life. I want to take part in community and grow with like minded people. My heart cries for connection just like everyone else.

My biggest struggle is moving on. When it's time to fly, my nest gets prickly. I am so sore tonight from working too much, from too many lovers and not enough love, from trying to be a friend only to find sex was all that was on the table. I am tired from my dear friends moving on and knowing that I need to be moving too.

I am ready to let some things go. But if you let me, I would like to keep you as my dear friends no matter the miles between us. I remain unwilling to part from the hearts that bring me comfort.

Love you all.