Flawless

I have this strange perception growing up in Western culture of what it is to be flawless. Coming from a Christian background, my faults and shortcomings are often used to justify the need for acceptance of religion as my only out, the only way I can truly be acceptable to God and anyone else. I have that "true believer" personality, the kind that gets into trouble because I often forget to do a fact check. If everyone trusts this minister, church, person, they must know what they are talking about. But so many times in life, that simply is not the case.

So what's the answer? I have freckles all over my face. I am not a twiggy, and my hair is not perfect. I have never really fit in with any one crowd, always on the fringes of the groups and associations I participate in, and have an over riding sense of guilt (they tell me the guilt's a disorder). I don't make all the money in the world; I am not famous; and Taylor Swift is not my bff. I question my faith constantly as well as quick fixes. 

And I am flawless.

Yes. FLAWLESS.

I think we miss the point so much of the time in Christianity. We are the joy set before Jesus. He died because it was His joy to show us off at the party, the grand ball of the universe (and now my Disney princess is coming out). We guilt people into loving God, coming to the cross, and wonder why all Christians see is their brokenness. How many times do you have to tell someone they are broken and worthless before they believe you? I don't see Jesus like that. He's not the one telling me of my sin and my failure. He's the one who meets me when I know I've screwed up bad and calls me flawless, pure one, there is no fault in you. 

It's funny. I deal with unreliable emotions all the time. I have learned to work towards letting things go as quickly as possible so it won't impact the rest of the tasks I have to do in a day. When I tell people about my struggles with illness, they often want to fix me. Some are caring. Some understand. Yet I can still stand here and say I know Jesus sees me without anything wrong with me even though He knows my struggle. Peace comes with that. I have stopped rejecting myself every time I get rejected knowing that in this moment, He sees me as lovely. 

I do not choose between God and science. I do not claim to know how it all started. What I do know is His presence, how to live with mystery, and that you are not here for me to judge your life. I am learning how to be with others because I like them. I am learning how to see the good in myself and others. And I am learning that so much of the behaviors I have blamed myself for were truly not my fault. We're all flawless. We just don't always remember to act that way. 

Love you all.