Twenty-Seven, Personal Jubilee
When I was twenty, I got in a lot of trouble. It was a crazy year. I had my first boyfriend, my first break-up, experienced my first murder (hopefully the last ever, don't wish that on anyone), my first marriage, and my first coming to terms with life. A lot went wrong, terribly wrong. Twenty was a traumatic year for me. So now, I'm seven years older and hopefully wiser. I had my birthday yesterday, and I spent a lot of it sick at home. This made for interesting study time, but also helped me to think a bit about what this year means for me.
In ancient Hebrew culture, seven years marked a year of rest, a year of restoration, and a year of new beginnings. This year was termed the year of jubilee. The idea was that the land got a chance to rest, the people who had been in bondage due to personal debt were released, and anything that had been sold because of debt was restored to its rightful owner. This made people very happy and jubilant which is where the term "jubilee" came from. I really felt like the Lord was speaking this to me this year. This is to be a year of rest, a year of restoration, and a year of new beginnings. As a result, there will be much rejoicing!
I've been working inordinately hard for the past 7 years of my life, close to 60 hours a week. I have had breaks in between, it's true, but I feel like the pace is going to be more restful this year, that it won't be something I have to do in order to survive. I've also experienced a lot of tension in these last years, and I really feel like the tension, while remaining in the places it is needed for me to grow, will be lessening and not so intense this year.
In terms of restoration, I'm watching as God is already in the process of restoring me to my family by building healthy relationships between us. I'm surrounded by an amazingly supportive group of friends, something I lost when I was twenty but have been regaining. I was in school for Biblical Counseling when I was 20, and I never finished. Well, I am two terms away from finishing my Associates of Science in Business. I'm not sure how much more school or what I'll do after I have reached this milestone, but it has been nice to have the dream of school restored. I'm also learning that when I feel there is something wrong, it probably is because there is something wrong. God didn't just give us our souls to feel enjoyment with. The pain is a needed warning system to teach us when and where something needs to change. I'm allowing myself to feel the pain, which is good because it brings healing and restoration to other areas of my life that previously were not possible.
And, new beginnings have been shooting up all over the place. I am thankful that God makes all things new. This is allowing me to experience love in a new and fresh way. I'm so thankful for the purity in my relationship with Jordan. The territory is completely new even while some of the motions are familiar. I thank God daily for such an amazing man. My spirit always has known he existed, but my heart failed to believe that he'd want me after all of my failures and bad choices had been made. Thank God that He knows our paths, and isn't about to give us less than His best for our lives if we'll only allow Him to be the architect of our days. I am also beginning again in my commitment to SHOP. I am taking my fund-raising efforts seriously now. I will be using a chunk of my time to come up with a fundraising plan, as well as settle some issues in my heart about the life I'm called to as an Intercessory Missionary. I was born for the throne room, marked from birth for worship. It hasn't always been easy, but it is good. If I truly believe it, then my actions need to match up with it and I need to believe in what God's given me enough to ask others to help me fulfill this call on my life. I simply cannot go it alone anymore. My independence has caused the gospel to be hindered because I have too many other things on my mind to focus on Jesus. My role at SHOP is going to change, but it's a needed new beginning. And I know the change will be for the best.
One last thought. Debts were cancelled in the year of jubilee, and it was a time of starting over financially. I've been praying into this. I don't know if God is going to give me the ability to pay off all of my debts this year, start heading in that direction, or cancel them completely. All I know is that I am seeking Him out, and I'm asking Him to teach me His ways in the area of finance. I am learning that when I give, I have more than enough. When I worry, I drop below the cloud line, and when I cry, He hears me. I am learning to trust. So here's to a new year, my year of Jubilee. I will rejoice and be glad.
In ancient Hebrew culture, seven years marked a year of rest, a year of restoration, and a year of new beginnings. This year was termed the year of jubilee. The idea was that the land got a chance to rest, the people who had been in bondage due to personal debt were released, and anything that had been sold because of debt was restored to its rightful owner. This made people very happy and jubilant which is where the term "jubilee" came from. I really felt like the Lord was speaking this to me this year. This is to be a year of rest, a year of restoration, and a year of new beginnings. As a result, there will be much rejoicing!
I've been working inordinately hard for the past 7 years of my life, close to 60 hours a week. I have had breaks in between, it's true, but I feel like the pace is going to be more restful this year, that it won't be something I have to do in order to survive. I've also experienced a lot of tension in these last years, and I really feel like the tension, while remaining in the places it is needed for me to grow, will be lessening and not so intense this year.
In terms of restoration, I'm watching as God is already in the process of restoring me to my family by building healthy relationships between us. I'm surrounded by an amazingly supportive group of friends, something I lost when I was twenty but have been regaining. I was in school for Biblical Counseling when I was 20, and I never finished. Well, I am two terms away from finishing my Associates of Science in Business. I'm not sure how much more school or what I'll do after I have reached this milestone, but it has been nice to have the dream of school restored. I'm also learning that when I feel there is something wrong, it probably is because there is something wrong. God didn't just give us our souls to feel enjoyment with. The pain is a needed warning system to teach us when and where something needs to change. I'm allowing myself to feel the pain, which is good because it brings healing and restoration to other areas of my life that previously were not possible.
And, new beginnings have been shooting up all over the place. I am thankful that God makes all things new. This is allowing me to experience love in a new and fresh way. I'm so thankful for the purity in my relationship with Jordan. The territory is completely new even while some of the motions are familiar. I thank God daily for such an amazing man. My spirit always has known he existed, but my heart failed to believe that he'd want me after all of my failures and bad choices had been made. Thank God that He knows our paths, and isn't about to give us less than His best for our lives if we'll only allow Him to be the architect of our days. I am also beginning again in my commitment to SHOP. I am taking my fund-raising efforts seriously now. I will be using a chunk of my time to come up with a fundraising plan, as well as settle some issues in my heart about the life I'm called to as an Intercessory Missionary. I was born for the throne room, marked from birth for worship. It hasn't always been easy, but it is good. If I truly believe it, then my actions need to match up with it and I need to believe in what God's given me enough to ask others to help me fulfill this call on my life. I simply cannot go it alone anymore. My independence has caused the gospel to be hindered because I have too many other things on my mind to focus on Jesus. My role at SHOP is going to change, but it's a needed new beginning. And I know the change will be for the best.
One last thought. Debts were cancelled in the year of jubilee, and it was a time of starting over financially. I've been praying into this. I don't know if God is going to give me the ability to pay off all of my debts this year, start heading in that direction, or cancel them completely. All I know is that I am seeking Him out, and I'm asking Him to teach me His ways in the area of finance. I am learning that when I give, I have more than enough. When I worry, I drop below the cloud line, and when I cry, He hears me. I am learning to trust. So here's to a new year, my year of Jubilee. I will rejoice and be glad.
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