Fidelity

"Let love and faithfulness never leave you." But where does faithfulness begin? Is it from the start of the vows, or the time we are committed? Or is it before? I am finding myself answering with a resounding, "Now."
Love and faithfulness, in a word fidelity, is something that must be learned. Our culture doesn't allow for the beauty of the term. We're more prone to immediate gratification, yet we're promised that what we sow we will most certainly reap. If my goal is marriage, which for me it is, fidelity starts now, with my attitudes, clothes, and treatment of others.
I know how to treat the married. That's sacred and always has been in my mind. I am finding that I have been neglecting the sacrament of singleness by treating it as less than holy. The Apostle Paul talks about singleness being a time to serve and please the Lord. If I truly believe I can please the Lord, that He is as real as a spouse I can bring joy to, then my response to my own desires becomes, "Does this bring pleasure to God, demonstrate heaven on earth, and uplift everyone involved (those present and impacted by the lives of those present)?"
Dear Ones, there are so many times the answer to that question has been no, and I have stayed in the situation anyway or gone ahead anyway. It's only brought further destruction to me. Knowing that God loves me as I am and not as I should be is motivating me to look at how I view singleness, dating, sexuality, and my every day interactions with others with hope instead of despair. He loves me enough to rebuke and discipline me, to tell me no. He loves me enough to tell me, "This is the way; walk in it."
My righteousness will never measure up to his, yet he gives me his. As I learn to practice what he says well, he gives me grace. I can stop beating myself up over mistakes as I am so prone to do.
Anyway, I know it's heavy this time, but I just really wanted to share what has been going on lately. I know I am leaving out the stories that should accompany this, but the narrative is too fresh and personal. Perhaps when the paint has dried, I will share more freely than I presently feel able.
Until then, know that I love you all now and always. Keep holding onto hope.