Love Letters

Today I wrote letters of recommendation for my team. I am being downsized. But I wanted them to know how grateful I am to have gotten to know them, to work with them, to be allowed into the crazy land of IT. And as I wrote their letters, I got a little choked up.

I wanted to retire from this job, but life is what happens when you're making other plans. On August 1st, I will join the ranks of the unemployed. My gut hurts a bit, and I am dizzy. I feel like throwing up or crying. People tell me, "You've arrived. You're going to be fine. You have your MBA." But it doesn't really hold weight when you're looking at unemployment with no idea where the next job will come from. And I could go back to a few different employers. I might even. But part of me wants to start over in a new town, a new scene, some place that doesn't remind me of violence and pain and injustice.

So my new motto is, "Have cats, will travel." And I know those things don't really go together, but I don't mean move around in a camper. I mean travel to a new home. I am still looking for that: home. The sense of belonging has eluded me for quite some time. I catch glimpses of it at the ocean, in the wilderness, when eating an amazing dinner or seeing a fantastic play. But the deep roots feeling of home has yet to embrace me fully. Maybe I am just a gypsy that way.

So goodbye, Salem Business Computers. The best is yet to come...