Homecoming- Five years later

I seem to measure my life in incriminates of fives. I was married for five years. And five years ago today, I arrived back home via Greyhound thanks to my sister Sarah and brother in law Sam. They brought me home from a shelter in Cherry Valley, CA, I staid in for three weeks learning how to forgive my then husband and value myself enough to leave him for good. I called that time in my life coming back to God, even though I never intentionally left him.
I have been triggered off the charts this last month. Yesterday, my body responded by staging a full systems shut down. I am remembering things I had forgotten, things I don't talk about, thanks to outside influences beyond my control. I have been coming to terms with the reality that the abuse wasn't my fault, that a lot of good people knew it was going on and did nothing to stop it, and that I wasn't strong enough at the time to stand up for myself or ask for help.
Sometimes, I still want to know why. Why did I have to go through all of it; why am I not over it; why does this stuff still happen to other women? But I know that I can make good choices now, get to choose who is in my life, and that I have made a lot of really good decisions in the past five years and met a lot of beautiful people.
I have a good life now, regardless of the PTSD. My past isn't about ministering to anyone. It's about God being faithful to bring me out when no one else could. That's what I am celebrating today. The faithfulness of my God, the love of my family, and the joy of my salvation.