Outside

SIGNALS
"When the light is green you go.
When the light is red you stop.
But what do you do
When the light turns blue
With orange and lavender spots?"
By Shel Silverstein from A Light in the Attic

My light has turned blue. I am at a loss. How do I love you when you don't see me? I really don't want anyone to fix me. I am tired of defining relationships with past lovers, new friends, family members. Can we skip the drama and get to the part where you understand that I need to laugh more than know where we are? Could you love me enough to make me eat dinner with you? (Yesterday I had pickles. Today, trail mix.) I am trying to reach out, but my heart keeps getting burned. I don't know how to navigate these waters, so please don't ask me for directions. What I am trying to say is, I need a real friend to be with tonight, but I don't know who to ask. So I took myself to Coffee Cottage, found this poem, and decided to tell you that I don't know what I am needing or doing. But I am still here, and there's grace in that. May you find grace tonight.