Realizing love

I was looking through a cook book an ex-boyfriend gave me today, and I realized how much he loved me. He's a great guy and married to someone else now, probably making her a very happy woman in ways my heart doesn't know how to be happy yet. And I am glad for him. I miss him, to be sure, but I am happy that the dream in his heart is fulfilled.
I talked to my best friend today. She watches my battle, listens to my negativity, and helps turn it around. She doesn't judge me for it. I think she can differentiate between my illness and myself better than I can. She's loving me through this process, and it helps so much.
I went to Eloheh farm today. I bought apples from a friend and talked about food, farming, family, and life. I think we're all a little lonely. Sometimes maybe we just need to learn how to be with each other.
Today ended with me going to my friends' house, friends that are more like brothers, and cooking with them and watching a movie with them. It's very easy for me to get angry and offended with them, but this time I chose to let it go and stay. My heart feels better.
Maybe being loved is something I have missed for so long because I didn't recognize what I was being given when it happened. I have so wanted an idealized world that I have dismissed the beautiful moments in favor of looking for a perfect moment. And while every once in a while, the perfect moment happens, maybe what I have needed all along is a little more human. Imperfect moments held in the trembling hands of ragamuffins remind me that this is why Christ died, to be with the least.
I am learning to love the least in me.