Dear Doc

My prescribing nurse practitioner is leaving, and I had my first meeting with my new primary care physician today. I am asking her to take over my psych meds.

After gathering all of my medical history, she asked me for the cliff notes version of my trauma history. I watched her face fall as I told her my story. She asked me if I thought she was qualified, told me if I took a nose dive she might ask me to see someone else. And then she did what she was comfortable with, examined me.

I don't think of myself as intimidating or my story as unmanageable. We all have our issues, and pain is a part of everyone's story. I realized today that my truths make people uncomfortable. To be so intimate with brokenness and to be mentally ill is harder for some than physical illness. My doc wants to make sure I get the best care possible and doesn't know if she's it. I appreciate that. But I am thinking maybe sometimes people stay away for the same reason. They want the best for me and don't know if it's them.

You are enough. You don't have to fix me. Sometimes, the encouragement you give or the laughter we share is all I need to help move me forward. Presence will always be what I most treasure in each person I encounter. Unlike my doc, you're more than qualified to be my friend. Same goes for anyone who's gone through fire. I don't look for perfection, and I severely doubt others do. Unless they are an elitist ass anyway, and you don't need that stink in your life cause you can't please those people.

You are enough. So be brave. Love the broken. Forgive the unforgivable. Be good to the elitist asses. Admit mistakes. Never stop learning. Try for your dreams. It's all any of us can do. Your are more than qualified.

You are enough. Thanks for sharing this journey with me.